When people find out I am engaged to be married, they are often shocked by my choice. I am young, 22 years old, and fresh out of college. I also have a lot of dreams for my life, involving extensive travel, grad school, and a life that doesn't stop. To the outsider, marriage does not seem to fit into the grand scheme of my life. Why would I "allow" myself to be "tied down" when I need to "find myself?" Further, as I have not dated much, how do I know that this particular gentleman is for me? Am I sacrificing my freedom for a longing in my heart, an itch of my flesh, a future I can't quite see clearly?
My answer? I would have said the same thing about a year ago. The last thing I wanted was to lose sight of my independence and my dreams. At the same time, I remember feeling a gradual openness to marriage. I realized that I did want someone in my life, someone I could love as well as someone who could love me. I wanted to share a life with someone, to build a family, a future with a good person. It was one of those longings I felt inside and could not deny. As I needed to be sure that it was true, not just my head playing with itself or the beauty of the Kenyan sky in the Rift Valley seducing my heart, I waited. I prayed.
When I returned from Kenya, I got in contact with a friend of mine. He was a year behind me in school and someone I had known through our Catholic Student Association. Though we had not hung out often, we always got along great, would have conversations that lasted hours (getting us kicked out of our interfaith space when we stayed too late), and had many of the same friends. I had always felt something for him but it was never the right time. Yet something seemed to change for both of us. We did start our romance within the beginning of the semester and quickly realized that it wasn't just a physical attraction. As we found ourselves pulled to a future, with similar dreams, goals, and a shared faith, we quickly fell in love-with both God and each other. We became engaged months later, after many talks, much prayer, and constant discernment.
Love is not always easy. We both have much ahead in the coming couple of years, to prepare our hearts, our bank accounts, and our souls for a lifetime ahead. Throughout it, I am constantly humbled and realize the changes I need to make in order to be a better person. I realize that yes, I am giving up some autonomy (hey, so is he, it's still egalitarian) but I could never be completely autonomous. I realize that no, I can't accomplish every dream but I never would have by myself and I'll have someone to share in those dreams. Yes, we'll have to make sacrifices. At the same time, if neither of us thought it was worth it, we wouldn't be preparing for marriage.
I never knew an engagement could have me so happy, yet so focused. I never realized there would be as much clarity as there is, as much direction. I never realized I could be so ready, especially at a young age. It just goes to show that, if your heart is focused on God and you are intentionally seeking His will, you will find your answer. The answer will have to come through your actions but it will come all the same.
By the way, my fiance has written an excellent post. Please enjoy!
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