Working Moms are Holy, Too

When reading a lot of Catholic blogs, I tend to find the moms who stay at home, have lots of kids, and home school. There's nothing wrong with that, however, I don't want this to be the only form of Catholic motherhood people see. While I'm not a mom yet, I do make the case for working wives and moms here. There are women who work because their survival depends on it, yet there are also women who work because it brings them joy. In addition, there are sometimes grave reasons for women to keep up a career. In this post, I hope to illustrate why it would be good for women to work.

1. She enjoys it: Often, when people make the case for women staying at home, they point out how dull work is. That's true if a woman has a boring office job, particularly if she's young and starting her family young. However, there are more career paths open to us now than ever before. In addition to the rewarding (traditionally female) fields of teaching, therapy (physical, psychological), nursing, and social work, women are also doctors, lawyers, politicians, heads of companies and non-profits, academics, you name it. If she's enjoying her work and channeling her soul into it, she brings that same joy into her house and her family. Is not joy a fruit of the Spirit?

2. Her husband has to be more involved: Unfortunately, we hear so much about the "second shift", of a woman still absorbing most of the responsibilities for the house and children even after a full time job. However, this does not have to be the case. If she's working too, her husband (if he's good) will also have to pitch in when it comes to the house and the children. That means he'll have to do some laundry or cook dinner some evenings, he'll have to take some days to tend to sick children so that she doesn't take all of hers, he'll have to go to school events on nights she can't make it. Rather than have both parents completely uninvolved, this could make sure that kids get equal time with both parents and make sure that their teachers, doctors and coaches know both parents. Also, as companies are starting to offer paternal leave, husbands now have a chance to be more involved with their children. If women in the workforce is the cause of that, it's definitely a good thing.

3. Outside work can be holy: God gave us our brains and talents for a reason. If a woman has been gifted with patience, compassion, and a brain for science and math, why shouldn't she become a doctor and heal people? If a woman has been gifted with an ability to teach, why should she not pass on knowledge to children and adults (if college level) while also becoming a stakeholder in her community? If a woman has been gifted with reason, logic, and a passion for justice, why should she not go to law school and advocate for those who have no voice? Healing, teaching, and advocacy were all things Jesus did. If a woman is called to be Christlike in those capacities, she should follow them. Further, her children will take away an example of what it means to use your talents to serve the Lord.

4. Money only helps: Sometimes, people talk about working moms as preventing their families from living a simple lifestyle. This need not be the case. More money can mean that the family can send children to a good Catholic school, help their kids with college (a growing but increasingly expensive necessity), give more to charity, take vacations to bond together as a family, visit the extended family if they're not close by, help children with extracurriculars (music lessons, sports teams, art lessons), repair their house if needed (especially if they bought an older house), medical expenses if a family member needs them.......Not to mention that we're on our own for retirement so, if one of us would need to retire, money can prevent us from going into poverty. For families who choose to live in urban areas (God needs us there, too), both spouses will likely have to work because the cost of living is higher.

Man at work, woman in the home is a relatively new phenomenon. Throughout history, women have done something to manage the family economy and women have also inherited property and held positions of power. For those moms who feel a call to stay home, God bless. However, there are also women who feel called to work, with or without kids. God gifted us with talents and brains while our costs of living have increased significantly. For many of us, it's what we have to do and what we want to do. We've got this.

My Vocation

Vocations for Catholics have very little to do with your day job. You can have almost any job (aside from anything immoral) alongside your vocation. Your vocation is your lifestyle choice. It is a permanent choice dependent on a call from God and requires much discernment. As a Catholic woman, I have three options: marriage, religious life (as a Sister or nun), and permanent, consecrated single life. As you can tell, I chose marriage.

When people find out I am engaged to be married, they are often shocked by my choice. I am young, 22 years old, and fresh out of college. I also have a lot of dreams for my life, involving extensive travel, grad school, and a life that doesn't stop. To the outsider, marriage does not seem to fit into the grand scheme of my life. Why would I "allow" myself to be "tied down" when I need to "find myself?" Further, as I have not dated much, how do I know that this particular gentleman is for me? Am I sacrificing my freedom for a longing in my heart, an itch of my flesh, a future I can't quite see clearly?

My answer? I would have said the same thing about a year ago. The last thing I wanted was to lose sight of my independence and my dreams. At the same time, I remember feeling a gradual openness to marriage. I realized that I did want someone in my life, someone I could love as well as someone who could love me. I wanted to share a life with someone, to build a family, a future with a good person. It was one of those longings I felt inside and could not deny. As I needed to be sure that it was true, not just my head playing with itself or the beauty of the Kenyan sky in the Rift Valley seducing my heart, I waited. I prayed.

When I returned from Kenya, I got in contact with a friend of mine. He was a year behind me in school and someone I had known through our Catholic Student Association. Though we had not hung out often, we always got along great, would have conversations that lasted hours (getting us kicked out of our interfaith space when we stayed too late), and had many of the same friends. I had always felt something for him but it was never the right time. Yet something seemed to change for both of us. We did start our romance within the beginning of the semester and quickly realized that it wasn't just a physical attraction. As we found ourselves pulled to a future, with similar dreams, goals, and a shared faith, we quickly fell in love-with both God and each other. We became engaged months later, after many talks, much prayer, and constant discernment.

Love is not always easy. We both have much ahead in the coming couple of years, to prepare our hearts, our bank accounts, and our souls for a lifetime ahead. Throughout it, I am constantly humbled and realize the changes I need to make in order to be a better person. I realize that yes, I am giving up some autonomy (hey, so is he, it's still egalitarian) but I could never be completely autonomous. I realize that no, I can't accomplish every dream but I never would have by myself and I'll have someone to share in those dreams. Yes, we'll have to make sacrifices. At the same time, if neither of us thought it was worth it, we wouldn't be preparing for marriage.

I never knew an engagement could have me so happy, yet so focused. I never realized there would be as much clarity as there is, as much direction. I never realized I could be so ready, especially at a young age. It just goes to show that, if your heart is focused on God and you are intentionally seeking His will, you will find your answer. The answer will have to come through your actions but it will come all the same.

By the way, my fiance has written an excellent post. Please enjoy!

Diving Right In

It’s the holiday season. Thanksgiving is coming up, and December is right around the corner. It’s a time to pause, reflect, have fun…..and in my case have my first big post to the blog. And I figure why not just dive right into discussion over a couple of the hot button issues?

First, I would like to give a little background. Coming from a not particularly religious background, I became more active religiously when I was 13. At that time, I was, well for lack of a better term, a liberal Protestant. When I came to college I was introduced to Catholicism, and decided it was right for me. After hearing from both sides on the issues below, I feel that I have come to a point where I can try and make an argument for the conservative Catholic perspective. All right, here we go:

First off, I would like to talk about….

Separation of Church and State: I would say that it is completely and utterly evil for a state to persecute its citizens for their religious beliefs. Everyone should be free to have their own faith, preach that faith, and associate with like-minded people. And I absolutely feel that given the scientific evidence, our schools should teach evolution. But a point I think a point that many conservative Catholics would make is that when you get down to individual issues, the line between church and state blurs. For example, a person might believe that it is right that the state provides a safety net for its poor because of that person’s interpretation of their religious tradition. Should that person vote the opposite of their beliefs? Obviously I cannot speak for everyone facing the dilemma of how to vote and why they are voting a certain way. But I’m just not sure how one completely separates the two or has their voting habits not be affected by whatever that person’s beliefs regarding morality are.

And now with that particular primer having warmed us up, lets talk about….

Abortion: Apart of that particular debate I feel I have heard a lot regards the issue of when life begins. Does it begin at conception? At a certain number of weeks or months? How do we define when its human? Here is the thing…even if we define life as beginning at x number of weeks, if we destroy the fetus before that, then that future human being has been denied life. We have denied that future human being the ability to experience life because of factors outside of that fetus’s control.

Some might bring up situations where mothers might be unable to raise said baby. For example, having a baby and raising it might force a young mother to drop out of school. Or perhaps a family cannot afford to feed another child. The point that many of us Catholics would make is that the option is not solely between raising a child in these circumstances and having an abortion. A child born into a situation like the ones described above can be put up for adoption or given over to the foster care system. This is NOT by any means an attempt to trivialize the tremendous physical and emotional trails of carrying a child for nine months, nor of the emotions a family might go through when giving up said child. The point we would make is that we in such a case dealing with a lesser of two evils dilemma, with denying that human child/future human child life being worse.

Finally, there is the issue of the mother’s health. I would like to state categorically that I and my fellow Catholics DO NOT believe you should just let the mother die if her life is endangered during the pregnancy. In Catholicism there is a concept called The Principle of Double Effect. It is a general philosophical belief, but what this means in the case of abortion is that if a pregnant woman’s life is in danger the doctors should attempt to save her life by operating on the relevant part of her body. They should preform life saving operations on those parts of her body even if it will/probably will destroy the fetus. The difference in this case lies in the fact that the operation was not indented to destroy the baby, nor did the doctors go and directly kill it with their instruments.

That was fun. Please give me your thoughts in the comment section. Happy Thanksgiving!

Late to the Party

Hello internet! Ironhammerstew here. Sorry I haven't posted yet. Things have been really busy, with last fall semester of college. But, now I am here and ready to meet you all. Hopefully, my two-cents wont be too dull ;).

Happy Columbus Day......

To be honest, I'm not sure what to make of this holiday. Of course, as a Catholic of Italian descent, people tell me that it's a holiday worth celebrating. It is true, the age of exploration brought the beginnings of globalization, exposed us to different kinds of people and brought about our country. I am often told what a devout Catholic Columbus was and how he was almost made a saint. Why shouldn't we celebrate?

Yet, the facts remain that Columbus governed these new places with brutality, that even those who loved him were willing to speak to his use of torture. He set the precedent for his successors, who annihilated populations via slavery and smallpox. While he certainly was not the first to use such brutality (by this point, the Portuguese were already participating in the slave trade), it was through his example that our native populations have nearly died out. Is this someone I want to honor as a hero, in either my religion or my culture?

Let's thank God that the age of exploration did come. Let's thank God for different points of view, different opportunities, and a shaping of our values. However, let's also remember the lives that were lost in the name of greed. Let us remember the people who lost everything. And let us pray for justice in the way we approach different nations today.

Financial Sense = Stewardship

People toss the phrase, "Protestant work ethic," around quite a bit. Historically, it makes sense. In the Middle Ages, Catholics worked, but the idea of saving money wasn't around likely because it was a feudal system anyway. In addition, the Church honored so many feast days that we became pioneers of partying. However, post-Industrial Revolution, people realized that making life better for future generations was not only important, it was a possibility. In fact, most Christian denominations would agree that stewardship of resources is important. Financial responsibility not only makes one's life easier, it aids us in building the Kingdom of God.

Unfortunately, fiscal responsibility is not a strong suit for most Americans. Our society glorifies materialism and I could name several who live in luxury apartments and drive cars that demand two jobs to support their habits. We work hard, so we feel we "deserve" that new product, the nights at the bar, the latte every morning, the hair treatments that cost half a month's rent. I'll admit, as an urbanite, I know that problem all too well. How many times have I come out of a late night, wanting nothing more than a couple $10 drinks and overpriced food? Or those $5 pumpkin spice lattes? At the same time, we're afraid of looking at our bills, of checking our bank statements, as they might show us something we're not ready to see. We're burning ourselves into the ground.

Something tells me that this is not what God had in mind. Yes, we are to work to earn our living and save some extra for the future. Yes, we should support our church communities (hey, I don't agree with political advocacy against gay marriage, but I want my church to turn its lights on). Yes, we should give money to organizations that help lift people out of poverty and fight for all of our rights. Yes, we should be able to treat ourselves occasionally, with good coffee, good wine, and times with our friends. However, working seven days a week to afford an apartment in Dupont Circle? What kind of Kool-Aid are you drinkin'?

As a young couple, we don't have much in between us right now. Right now, our goal is to contribute a little bit each month to our future savings and to be as generous as we can without dipping into necessary funds. Maybe that means giving time to our church instead of giving cash, right now. Maybe that means we eat at Subway instead of at the nice restaurant. Maybe it means we rarely go out but chill at each other's houses. Maybe it means we take a Saturday and hang out at the free museums while bringing lunches. It's hard but it doesn't have to be impossible or boring. Besides, if we can make do with a little bit of cash, it'll be easier for us to manage our money in the future. All we know is that, right now, spending all we have harms ourselves more than it helps the world. Contrary to popular belief, harming oneself does not glorify God.

Engagement

I'll admit, if someone told me I would have found myself engaged by 22, I'd have told them they were crazy. Not till at least my late twenties, my (not-so-much) younger self would have said. I wanted to have my career, my travel, my own apartment, and a Master's before I tied the knot with someone. No need to have some guy distract me, particularly because they never stay. It didn't help that I was too Catholic, too feminist, too much "one of the boys" to ever be seen as more than just a pal.

Well, you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. After I returned from Kenya, I started chatting with a friend of mine from our campus ministry. We didn't talk that much previously but, whenever we did, we always had a lot to talk about. This time, we ended up talking so much that coffee turned to dinner which turned into drinks and I knew I needed to keep an open heart. Soon, one thing led to another and we were together.

Throughout our courtship, it amazed me how comfortable I was with the idea of a life together. As we came to know each other, we realized that, aside from an obvious physical attraction, we had similar goals, worldviews, a strong spiritual base, and personalities that worked well together. I came to realize that marriage does not mean putting my dreams aside, rather, I'd have someone who could experience them with me (as I experience his). Meeting and getting to know each other's families only confirmed our growing desires to be together. Finally, working through obstacles we've faced made me realize that I'm ready to do this. So, when he asked me in Dupont Circle if I was willing to spend my life with him, I gave an irrevocable yes.

The only major issue standing in our way is stable income. He's a student and I'm completing a year of volunteer service in the DC area. We are seeking steady employment for next year, after which we'll start the necessary prep course Catholics have to undertake.

So, in a tribute to my muse, The Boss himself, we're ready to take that long walk.